There are four blokes in a prison cell together: a zoophile, a sadist, a necrophiliac and a gay guy.
The zoophile sighs and says, “You know, if there was a cat here I’d fuck it until I pass out.”
The sadist nods, and sighs, “And once you were done with it, I’d torture it until it died.”
The necrophiliac leans in and agrees, “Oh yeah, and once it was dead I’d fuck it til I passed out too.”
The gay guy sitting in the corner, very softly says “meow.”
A woman on a bus is suddenly overcome with the urge to break wind. She tries to let a sneaker go but instead lets loose a loud, disgusting blast.
The entire bus goes silent and the embarrassed woman desperately tries to think of something to say to the man next to her.
“Ummm, do you have a transfer ticket?” she finally asks.
“No, I don’t,” he replies. “But when we pass the next tree, I’ll try to grab you a handful of leaves.”
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says, “I went by your grandma’s house today and I saw her in the hallway stark naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!”
The biker looks at him and doesn’t say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat. The drunk leans on the table again and says, “I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!”
The biker’s buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing. The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, “I’ll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!”
At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says, “Grandpa! Go home! You’re drunk!”
My uncle was a really bad ventriloquist; he used to put his hand up my ass but tell me not to say anything.
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
“What does it look like?” she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, “It’s square and it has your picture on it.”
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. “Here it is,” she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, “OK, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop.”
